Sunday, September 12, 2010

I want!!!

I want:

Morning Sickness

Back Aches

Swollen ankles

To have to pee every 10 minutes

Braxton Hicks

Aching hips

Restless nights

Tingly hands

Leg cramps

Food cravings

Food aversions


I want to be 11 weeks away from my due date...

I want to be Pregnant!

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Hard time.

On March 15th 2010 my husband Anthony and I found out we were expecting again. We were so thrilled and excited for this new chapter in our lives. We have always wanted a big family. I feel like I was born to be a mom and I love every minute of my life with my boy.
We told our close family and friends almost right away, we talked about baby names and what we though we were having.
When our 18 week ultrasound came around on June 18th we were so exciting to see our growing baby and find out if we were having a boy or a girl. Then to quickly everything changed, we were told during the exam that out baby did not have a heart beat. I could not believe it, how could this have happened, what did I do? We had to go to my family doctor and he told me he needed to call the hospital to see if I could get in to be induced. Induced? Are you serious? I was just told I lost my baby and now I have to give birth? This was not happening. I phoned my mom and had to tell her what happened, she came over right away to watch Adrian, we had no idea how long this was all going to take or how traumatic it was all going to be. We drove to Peter Loughead hospital and had to wait in the emergency waiting room for 2 hours. I was then put into an emergency hospital room at 7pm, all night we layed there waiting, crying, talking, waiting... what was happening, why was I hear, why was this happening to me?? All night we were waiting for a bed upstairs, finally at about 5am we were moved upstairs. At 9am I was induced and at 8:45pm our baby girl was born sleeping on June 19th 2010. This has been the hardest thing that our family has gone through. We were in the hospital until the 20th. My mom stayed at our house to stay with Adrian, it was our first night ever being away from him and I missed him so much. I feel very blessed to have such wonderful family and friends around us supporting us and loving us.
I wanted to share our story because I know there are so many families out there that have been through this in one way or another. Unfortunately there is nothing anyone can say to make you feel better or make the pain go away. There is this awful feeling in your heart all of the time, I have an amazing husband and son that have helped me stay strong and get through this time but I will never forget our little girl, we have 2 kids now.
Everyone says, things happen for a reason, you will pregnant again soon, the timing was not right. I want to be pregnant again so badly, but I also want to still be pregnant, I did not want this baby to go away, I want be half way to seeing our new baby, I want her so badly.
I feel like I was born to be a mom, like this is the one thing I was meant to do. I have always and will always put my kids before myself in every way. This is what I love to do my children will bring me all of the joy I need they will make me feel complete.
Until you loss a child you will never know what it feels like, there is not positive spin you can put on the situation, there is nothing you can say to make it better. I know my family and friends love us and support us and I feel very blessed. When we become pregnant again it will be hard and scary but I know that our lives are in God's hands and he will only give us what we can handle. I have 2 children that I love and think about non stop. Adrian and Marie I will love you forever and take care of you the rest of my life <3

This picture is with our daughter so she will always know who her family is, and we will always be with her.

18 Months later...

It has been along time since I have posted anything, I was self conscious about people reading it if anyone even was. But I feel like I have a lot to say and a lot has happened in the last 18 months with our family.
Adrian is now an almost 19month old boy, running, jumping, dancing, talking, eating everything, and so funny! He is the light of our lives and he brings us so much joy everyday. I can't believe how quickly time has passed and how smart and amazing Adrian is. This summer has been so busy and fun with all of the activities we have been doing everyday. Water parks, the train museum in Nanton, Heritage park, Spruce Meadows, Playtopia, swimming, and a ton of parks! It has been so great showing Adrian all of these places and he loves getting out everyday and it also help with nap time!
Adrian is now 27lbs and a very tall boy he loves to read and his favorite thing right now are cars and trucks.
There have been even more firsts for Adrian over the last year and a half, first Easter, Christmas, Thanksgiving, Birthday, Steps and words.
I can't wait to see what else Adrian has in store for us in the years to come!
Here are some pics from the past 18months.

Thursday, November 5, 2009

First Month

Adrian's first month consisted of all of the normal things first bath,first doctors appointment, meeting family and friends, getting circumcised (poor boy) and 2 baby showers! One at my parents place with family and friends and one at a girls house I use to work with with my former colleagues. Also in that time we celebrated my birthday as well as his grandpa's birthday.
At the very end of his first month we had Adrian baptized. He was baptized at St.James church on Mar 8/09 in Okotoks, his godparents are Anthony's brother Stefan and his wife Lauren. We had a nice get together at our house after the ceremony.
The days for Adrian consisted of eating all of the time and sleeping a lot, also waking a lot in the night to nurse. The first 7 nights were spent on the couch where I would nurse and him and I would fall asleep together. There was definitely a transition time where he needed to hear my heart all of the time. Going from a dark, small, warm place to the big bright outside world where you are hearing mom's heart beat non stop must be very hard on a little baby. So we worked through it and I did everything I could to make him comfortable in his new world.

A day after we were home from the hospital I developed a pretty high fever and was sent to the hospital, Adrian had also come home with jaundice which is normal for a baby and his levels were not high but they also wanted to check him at the hospital as well. We arrived to High river hospital around 9pm where they checked me and determined that I had an infection. Because Adrian was jaundice and I had an infection they wanted us to go to the children's hospital to make sure Adrian was not sick. So we drove allllll the way to the childrens and were luckily checked in right away because Adrian was so new and I was very sick. They poked my poor baby with needles, took his blood, gave him an IV and a catheter, while they were waiting for the blood and urine results they put him under the lights to help his jaundice. We were finally able to go home at 6am when all of the test results were normal. We had been at the hospital from 11pm until 6am the next morning and I was put on 2 weeks of antibiotics that made me sick blah. But again we got through that! The only other incident we had in our first month with the new love of our lives was a visit from the ambulance. I was nursing Adrian one night when I developed the worst pains I have ever felt in my stomach, I could not move or walk they were so bad, Anthony phoned health link and we were told to go to the hospital but I could not walk to the car to get there. Anthony called an ambulance but of course by the time they arrived the pains had gone away so they checked my vitals and let me know because of the infection I was experiencing normal uterine contractions they were just much worse because I was sick.
The first month was filled with all the wonderful new things that you learn about you baby and your baby learns about you. We would do anything to keep our baby happy and healthy and adjusting to the new world he had entered.

Adrian's World and Im just living in it!

I am starting this blog so I can document all of the moments in my baby boys life. There are so many things going on in his little life already that I Michelle need to write it all down or I will forget it all.

So first let me start off with the day or days that it took him to be here with us.

It was February 4th/09 and I was already 8 days over due, I had an appointment at the hospital in High river to be induced. We were suppose to be there at 8am but I was called and told that things would be delayed a bit because there were other ladies ahead of me, so I had a mini melt down but relized there was nothing I could do so I waited. We were then called later that afternoon and we got to the hospital, I was given cervadil which was suppose to start my contractions. We had to stay at the hospital for a few hours so they could monitor us. I was sent home in the hope that labor would begin and we would have ourselves a little baby that night. I was having contractions every few minutes and they hurt quite a bit, I was having them for the rest of the day and all night, we were told to come back the next day Thursday if I did not progress.
The next day around noon the cervadil feel out, we phoned the hospital and were told to come in at 4pm. When we arrived at the hospital we were told that there was no doctor available to preform a c-section so they would not be able to induce us until someone was available which would not be until the Saturday. I was scheduled for an ultrasound for the next day to make sure everything was ok with the baby, that there was enough fluid around him. If everything was ok which it was they would have me come in on Saturday to induce again. All of this time we were doing everything to get labor started on our own, everything that we have ever heard of that might possibly induce labor with no luck of course.
When Saturday came along I had had enough, I could not wait any longer I was 13 days late and being told that my baby would be around 9lbs 13oz. I was tempted to look on the internet on how to do an at home c-section.
We were waiting for a call from the hospital to come in to be induced so we could finally see our baby, we were expecting a call around 6pm. When 6pm came and went Anthony called the hospital and they let us know that the doctor still was not there and if they did not call us that night then we were to come in at 6am Sunday morning. I then had a major melt down and cried for quite awhile until Anthony could finally calm me down. We went to bed that night knowing the next day we would hopefully finally see or baby. I did not sleep at all that night because of all of the anticipation and woke up very early to drive to the hospital. When we arrived we did the usual routine peed in a cup got into a gown, hooked up to monitors checked to see if I was dilated this was all something I was very use to by then. We had 3 nurses and a doctor come into our room and I thought this is it, this are going to start happening finally. Um no, all of these people were there apparently because they thought I was going to kill the doctor when she told me they still could not induce me, which I really wanted to but I just cried again instead. We were being sent to Rockeyview to be induced for real they were expecting us we just had to get there and everything would start.

Rockeyview hospital 8am, I am taken into a room put in a gown and my water was broken, I was then taken to the delivery room and hooked up to a monitor and given oxcytosin which was going to induce my labor, and boy did it ever. Things started happening very quickly the pain that is, I was contracting non stop and in much need of medication. After about 5 hours I asked for pain medication and given laughing gas I was not able to move around, only from the bed to a chair and a work out ball because I was hooked up to monitors. The laughing gas was not cutting to for me so I was given morphine all I wanted was some pain relief and to sleep because of the lack of sleep the night before. After 10 hours when the nurse came in the room I was in more pain then ever and exhausted. She let me know after checking me that I would probably have another 10 hours to go so I asked for a epidural. After that I was finally able to sleep for about 2 hours the pain was gone and when I woke up Anthony and I watched the office on the lap top.
Now by this time I have no sense of time and Im alittle foggy on some details so I'm not sure when any of this happened but a bunch of nurses rushed into the room because Adrian's heart rate was dropping and raising quickly and dangerously so they kept getting me to change side I was laying on until it returned to normal. After about 17 hours of intence labor it was fainlly time to push things were going along and I was pushing but then I developed a fever that they were worried about, I was given more medication and continued to push. After about 2 hours things were not progressing and they were worried that I would need a c-section, so the doctor let me know that the best way to get him out would be by forceps, so that is what we did, it was blinding pain for about 5 mins I had my eyes closed the entire time and then he was here...a beautiful baby boy Adrian Michael Schwarz born 2:05am February 9/09 born to Michelle and Anthony Schwarz! We are so in love with our little boy and that is where the story continues!