On March 15th 2010 my husband Anthony and I found out we were expecting again. We were so thrilled and excited for this new chapter in our lives. We have always wanted a big family. I feel like I was born to be a mom and I love every minute of my life with my boy.
We told our close family and friends almost right away, we talked about baby names and what we though we were having.
When our 18 week ultrasound came around on June 18th we were so exciting to see our growing baby and find out if we were having a boy or a girl. Then to quickly everything changed, we were told during the exam that out baby did not have a heart beat. I could not believe it, how could this have happened, what did I do? We had to go to my family doctor and he told me he needed to call the hospital to see if I could get in to be induced. Induced? Are you serious? I was just told I lost my baby and now I have to give birth? This was not happening. I phoned my mom and had to tell her what happened, she came over right away to watch Adrian, we had no idea how long this was all going to take or how traumatic it was all going to be. We drove to Peter Loughead hospital and had to wait in the emergency waiting room for 2 hours. I was then put into an emergency hospital room at 7pm, all night we layed there waiting, crying, talking, waiting... what was happening, why was I hear, why was this happening to me?? All night we were waiting for a bed upstairs, finally at about 5am we were moved upstairs. At 9am I was induced and at 8:45pm our baby girl was born sleeping on June 19th 2010. This has been the hardest thing that our family has gone through. We were in the hospital until the 20th. My mom stayed at our house to stay with Adrian, it was our first night ever being away from him and I missed him so much. I feel very blessed to have such wonderful family and friends around us supporting us and loving us.
I wanted to share our story because I know there are so many families out there that have been through this in one way or another. Unfortunately there is nothing anyone can say to make you feel better or make the pain go away. There is this awful feeling in your heart all of the time, I have an amazing husband and son that have helped me stay strong and get through this time but I will never forget our little girl, we have 2 kids now.
Everyone says, things happen for a reason, you will pregnant again soon, the timing was not right. I want to be pregnant again so badly, but I also want to still be pregnant, I did not want this baby to go away, I want be half way to seeing our new baby, I want her so badly.
I feel like I was born to be a mom, like this is the one thing I was meant to do. I have always and will always put my kids before myself in every way. This is what I love to do my children will bring me all of the joy I need they will make me feel complete.
Until you loss a child you will never know what it feels like, there is not positive spin you can put on the situation, there is nothing you can say to make it better. I know my family and friends love us and support us and I feel very blessed. When we become pregnant again it will be hard and scary but I know that our lives are in God's hands and he will only give us what we can handle. I have 2 children that I love and think about non stop. Adrian and Marie I will love you forever and take care of you the rest of my life <3
This picture is with our daughter so she will always know who her family is, and we will always be with her.